I don't have a better title for this cornucopia of crap.


Those who have been following my postings know of the great love I have for fighter pilots. It used to be that at base ops and stag bars (when there were such things for bachelor officers of any gender) everywhere, "It" stickers would show up. "It" started with the fighter pilots, but soon spread to other aircraft and crew positions.

The original, "Fighter Pilots do it better" was soon improved by the addition of a second sticker, "but a FAC has to show them where to put it".

After the conversion of the C-141A into the C-141B (which added 30 feet to the cargo bay, and a refueling capability), Starlifter crews would brag: "Now that we have it stretched, we can keep it up longer, penetrate deeper, and drop a bigger load".

To which Herky drivers respond: "C-130 crews get it in when no one else can".

The guys in the business end of MAC aircraft (the loadmasters) have their own motto: "Loadmasters do it in the back with chains and straps and other devices".

System Command does "it" by remote control.

ATC Exchanges

The following exchange of radio chatter occurred between a C-141 (MAC), a B-52 (BUF) and Anderson AFB, Guam ground control (ATC) during some of the hottest B-52 air action over North Vietnam.

The B-52 was taxiing in after returning from a Linebacker Mission; the C-141 was taxiing for takeoff.

ATC: "BUF, hold short for the taxiing C-141".

BUF: "Roger, we'll hold short for the God Damned support aircraft, here we sit on this stinking rock, getting our asses shot off while those @*&$^@(# ?? sons of bitches fly *over* the &#$^@ war zone on the way to a whore house in Thailand and collect combat pay!1" The BUF driver continues for about 3 more minutes during which time, no two contiguous words were clean. He finally releases the mike button.

MAC: "Call me anything you want, but call me in California next week".

This exchange allegedly happened at Honolulu Intl / Hickam AFB in the early 70's. (JAL = Japan Air Line Flight 7, ATC = Honolulu Ground Control, MAC = C-141).

(All aircraft taxiing to parking)

ATC: "Japan Air 7, turn right next taxiway"

JAL: "Japan Air 7"

ATC: "Japan Air 7, continue straight ahead, follow the C-141, standby for progressive instructions".

JAL: "Japan Air 7"

MAC: "Hey, JAL 7, what's the problem, don't you know your way around this place?"

JAL: "I used to, but things have changed a lot since 1941."

This from the cockpit of a C-141 airborne over the Atlantic. (all of it supposedly on interphone). (AC = Aircraft Commander, NAV = Navigator, CP = Co-Pilot).

NAV: "Pilot, Nav, I'm getting interference on the Lajes ADF."

AC : "What's the problem?"

NAV: "I'm getting two identifiers, and a false bearing."

CP : "Do you suppose there's truth in the rumors that the Russians are doing this stuff".

NAV: "Could be, but I wish those %#$^%@& Russians would knock it off".

(Voice over one of the radios): "Look buddy, you've got your job, I've got mine".

After which, the interference disappeared.

Seems the NAV's "wafer" switch was in the wrong position.

Other Stuff

This is from my "no shit this really happened" department. (I was there -- or is that "There I was").

We were on a "Team Spirit" exercise in the ROK (Republic of Korea -- the term also applies to the population). Our cargo was a group of ROK paratroopers. The time is mid February. For those of you who have never experienced a Korean winter -- well, I don't think there are enough "How cold was it" jokes to describe it. The drop zone is a sandbar on the bank of a river.

Coming into the drop zone, we can see that the sandbar is submerged. We contacted the troop commander, a ROK colonel, to inform him (actually advise him -- one does not tell a Colonel anything) that we would be doing a "no drop". He wouldn't hear of it. His response was "It's OK, I checked, water's not too deep".

Several minutes later it was "Green Light"!

  1. This was essentially true. Also had the salary earned that month was exempted from income tax.