The Speed of Dark (Humor)

My niece asked me the following question, and naturally, I had to respond.

> OK, so what's the speed of dark?

I have the answer to this one: -300,000 km/sec

I found this out as a result of my research into "Where does the dark go when you open the closet door?" The answer is that it rushes out at a negative 300,000 km/sec. Being highly volatile it evaporates instantly escaping into the upper atmosphere. Eventually it condenses causing night.

People open their closets more in the winter (to get coats and such) than they do in the summer. This explains why the nights are longer in the winter since there is more dark in the air during these months. It condenses more quickly and takes longer to "burn off."

The planet would be in complete darkness if it were not for the invention of the refrigerator light which is a dark dissipation accelerator. It works on the same principal as emission control devices in automobiles.

The national reserve of dark is dwindling as a result of deforestation. Shade from trees (a dilute source of dark) is being reduced at an alarming rate. A lot is being blamed on the use of flashlights which destroy or put a hole in the dark layer. The Environmental Protection Agency is looking for a more environmentally friendly light source, and there is an additional tax on Energizer Batteries.

Nonetheless, there is a comprehensive program to investigate renewable sources of dark such as tapping the undersides of parking lots and buildings. However, environmentalists are concerned about the effects of slant drilling on the ecology.

Hopefully, this sheds some light on the subject. <Insert groan here.>